she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
