I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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