Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
