Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
