shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
