Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will pee on everything he values.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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