I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
