That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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