i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
