Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
