You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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