And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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