lets start a swedish sibling band together
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
