You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
