I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
