what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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