I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
