You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
