You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
