You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
