After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
