Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
