You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
