he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize