is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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