I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
