I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
this is an emotional support booty call
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Someone signed my nipple.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
