happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize