New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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