I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
