The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
