Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
