you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
