My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
