Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
