You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
