I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
