omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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