Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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