Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
