so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
