look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
