I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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