i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
