Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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