Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
