So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
