You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Pooping to opera.
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