i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
