Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
