seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize