I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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