I'm really into asian looking animals
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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