her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
