I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
