Ketchup is God's man juice
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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