Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
