Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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