I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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