someone get that fucking seahorse.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize