I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
