the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
