Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well you can't waste a boner
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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